What do you get when you combine Diane Keaton and Brendan Gleeson in Hampstead, a light romantic drama loosely based on a true story?
In this case, a big ol' snooze-fest.
There's no two ways about it I'm afraid. This is a stinker.
Keaton is Emily Walters, a widow living in Hampstead Heath, a pretty town in England. Gleeson (I suspect you would recognise the face, if not the name) is a vagrant who has set up home on a local vacant piece of land. Emily's mates are plotting to build apartments on the land a make a killing but Emily winds up falling for the vagrant and being part of the team who fight for his right to the land. (Spoiler alert - in real life and the film, he wins the case.)
Their romance is so devoid of feeling, it's hard to describe. There's a scene where they have a fight that is just so lacking in any actual fight or soul it's almost as if everyone involved in the film has never actually had a fight with a loved one. It was actually weird.
Another funny (not in a good way) moment is when Emily is painting a door white and she exclaims "I like this colour!" like a deranged budgerigar. It's hard to do it justice but it was just so weird.
So should you go and see this at a cinema? No. Should you watch it if you can do so in future for free on TV, digital etc? No. Should you watch it on a plane if it is literally the only thing available to drown out the sound of snoring old blokes and screaming babies? No.
This film just left me pondering, does Diane Keaton just always get cast as annoying characters, or is she actually an annoying person? I guess I'll never know.
The Guardian is with me, giving this one star, but news.com.au gives a more generous take at 2.5 stars if you would like to read more.
Trailer here. In cinemas Thursday 17 August.